Orwellian

may my last words be half-slurred and cathartic
so & so’s favorite blue jeans stained with tear drops & saliva
head cradled in their lap, eyes barely widened
my interventions’ HQ will be besmirched within silence
my shoulder blades girth played role of a harbinger
the bonier they got; the more i wished i was a skeleton
malnourished, malevolent, maladjusted malaise
talking in malformed metaphors to try and explain
that there’s a concession of an all-dead jury saying my name
prosecutor in a straitjacket who thinks I’m insane
taped push signs over doors tailored to pull
judges with mallets in the same shape of my skull
my past lives failed me.
pantomime in his glass house flailing
glass eyed, no boundaries. highly contagious
armed & dangerous, with a heart a brain bit
ive gotten anxious cause ive told you i’m not that anxious
i got chasers and glasses for my motherfucking shot-takers
a moment of silence, for up and comers w/ violations
bloodsucker, with lost childhood adult spaces
that touch base with generational cursed phases
misplaced trust havens. mass murdering & love laden
you fucking half murmured anything worth saying
innate phrasing becomes coding for crisis
like blinking twice, as a signal to police snipers
every moment spent sober – a cry out for help
tullamore on the shelf
books in the wine cellar
spending most of his life wishing id try better
heart of a lion, mouth of a sinner
there’s something so dystopian about 19.84 oz. of liquor

fötter day

you can hear the…

suburbia chime, zirconia vertebrae. pearly white spine
glass thrown in stone houses, regular suburbia night
whirring, rewind. chronicled childhood in olive drab paint
monocle glass. wormwood and bottles of shawshank.
dissolute solitude, wanderer who wallows in maze
en route. delay for tomorrow. never promised today
virgin diary. anne frank. marie curie disease
tinture of rainbow, even if the distance is blurry to me
he, who knows the way to zihuatenejo.
furlough father. demand you to die when i say so
26 pesos what’s left in your wallet
lint and mothball, merryland. experiment omelette.
laundromat arcade quarter exchange
2 o clock shadow of death and follicle strain
these boulders were supposed to be gone when i got here
you shouldered me off. sunday morning penny loafer with frost
social commentary gabriel-lucifer talk
metamucil, retrograde. jupiter star
bolivian roast, oblivion, and a toast goes to mars
you hold my hand; but i don’t even know who you are
shout at me when indoors, but whisper weak when afar
im so close to eroding, skin growth, barely a scar
in my house; the big wolf. lungs pulse til’ exhaustion
i read a suicide note from the ghost in my closet
i dont know, if he knows if this apartment is haunted
by patriarchal pettiness, reminiscent negligent heart
maleficent maligned distant/forgot insidious offspring
with ammunition in their lips, that keep you off guard
feel the metacarpal love letters til your fingers fall off
once you step out the door, you hear the wooden creak in the floor
fell asleep at the creek daydreaming before
everytime before bed i hear footsteps coming from deep
and i hide in my closet, until they delete
REM hits me while I’m counting my sheep
counting rosary beads for every step wolf takes towards me
like neighborhood freeze tag, counting to 3
dysfunctional beings, huffing in suburbia breeze
i know that i know nothing is in love when i speak
into denizens, the medicine cabinet creaks
when you close it and i haven’t heard it in weeks
form bourbon, to curtains burnt at the seams
I’m so close to being the opposite of perfect, i scream
what emerges, a bird sits perched in a tree
what alerts him is
suburbia breeze

I didn’t want to believe it

Im sitting alone at the cosmic stump.
Sipping my soul & I’m Vodka drunk
Thinking of goals. I’ve not have done
Fission control. visit me in my head
Cataclysmic logarithms. -picture dreams that are dead
Bickering silence, word by word I fell in your haiku
only heard what you wanted when I tell I love you
Nervous, respond. I fell in the lust pool
mouth of sin, out of breath
a spell was cast on my lungs too
she promised me passion, she promised me endless
a synonym for forever. All I got was a toxic expansion
mantras to mansion. so deceptive it hurt
quoted my tantrums. like an excerpt from a book
don’t mention the looks. I wonder how you mention me now?
sat on the couch, watching Netflix. Forget heaven and clouds
came from the kitchen with spoon full of sauce that you fed in my mouth.
Cilantro, “does the chicken francaise taste good, my love”
Now I found spooning so distasteful. It sucks
Double entendre tornado. A marksman from the start
Haloed your heart, rainbow. And darts at the bar
volcano and smog, now I counted a hundred horseshoes
Barely put in words, how much I adore you
So scared and it hurts, I’ve come to assortments
From arid. It’s gravid, it varied of course
Marriage, like cherries. Best pick to engorge
Eviction of souls. dependent on the glare you
reflected
You sold me religion, with Laissez-Faire in effect
I flare up, I gave up on describing this feeling
Inscribed when I speak, shine on the shrine I requested
dried my lips on your teeth. A psychic connection
read the Braille on my tongue without trying to french kiss
Assignment: Accepted. Binary in sign language
With tension so hectic you’d barely bury the knife hatchet
Fury. Attachment. To the universe that emblazoned
the jury and gavel. as well as the executioner faceless
Fell into Jupiters orbit, and you didn’t notice
Consumed in your work. My mutation was forced
I knew it of course, I ballooned and transmogrified
with evolutionary pose, soon to be broken, I
Cocooned. I was born. alas. a new metamorphis. Rise
Using the moons pull as a force. So isotopic
The butterfly. Psychotropic. New skull and a heart

Flown off course

Vaudevillian. I’ve flown so off course
that my radar doesn’t even beep
it’s silent, instead it weeps
for some recognizable aura of man to detect
signature heat, thermal readings. nothing
Become so abrupt in my comings that most of my time
is spent twiddling my thumbs
I’ve flown so off course, a meteorite that had its path
altered in slight trajectory by space debris
could be my new home, if it ever passed by me
that’s how far off I am
I’m flown so off course, that my wings don’t even flap
in this new dimension of flying, we fly with our minds.
I’ve flown so of course, global positioning
isn’t a satellite thing no more —-
it’s how i view our galaxy from a lightyear away
mars and mercury are tiny stars
venus and neptune are off
but furthest, but not least, earth, is the last of equation
where a place full of life could make me feel like an alien

Quoted for emphasis on, fuck my life.

It’s been a minute, how you doing? Just trying to laugh with you. Making a joke or two, just laugh with me. I realize it isnt going to work if we both aren’t in it. But I want it to. Foggy visions. Wanting both of us to be in it. I- i, i..i stutter in my thoughts, so talking without this muse would be disaster. If I’m the rain that nourishes thirst, you’re the hurricane that uses the rain that it’s named after. Sprinkling chakra. The way the winks made me feel unique to someone. They say all snowflakes are especially different, so tell me why wouldnt a kiss then? They have the same characteristics. It’s a personable haste. Now a blizzard is personification. you’re both fun to put in my mouth, and adorably cute, a signature is etched the fibres of my tongue; but last but not least you’re exceptionally cold. Once, I expect to be told. I expect to be loved. I expect the gentleness of said snowflake, to be lunged. They say doves only have one lover their entire lives, and if that other partner dies they’ll be alone forever. I dont know, whatever. Why I compared myself to a bird. Cause birds fly, and it felt you kept me down all the time. Clipped my wings and set me to fail. I try to take off, but noticed snips in my tail. I refused to believe you were the one to do this, because ignorance to the bliss is solely therapeutic. I’d never get on through it. I remember the way your fingers fluttered across my chest. Nails meshed in with the gentleness of your flesh. It was hot. Not sexually, but a warmth a gauge of temperature couldnt even describe. Your finger tips so soft, but your nails scratched me. It was the perfect portrayal of how you could be so soft then hard the next second. It’s almost stupid to remember it so vividly. When I’m sipping coffee on the veranda it seems to just hit me. Black and white memories, cause if it were color you’d be blinded by it. Red is all I remember, and it wasn’t clearer than water. Maybe that’s why people say blood is thicker than water. Somber. akin to the descriptions of when people say they could feel the words in a song. That. Or the feelings of when a group of people listen to the same tune and slowly start singing along. That. Or when you hug someone you want to, and for that moment you’d feel you never feel all alone. That. I sorta chuckle when I write this. Eyes watery, I never liked this. I sift and I wander thinking to myself what I couldve done right; it’s. Sifting through every single thing hoping to correct myself for the future. Living in present, pretending to not be weary of the past. Irrelevant to the sutures you took out in the stitches of time. The clocks ticking. A glimmer, a shine, a jingling chime, a smidgen in the make-up of a rocky relationship. I made jokes about rocky relationships saying I love every movie Syllvester Stallone was ever in. I’m sarcastic, you hate it. Wanting someone to laugh, the impatience. Is getting to a point where the room turns to sepia once I step into it. Grayscale erosion, it used to be beautiful the colors eroded. Try explaining the color to a blind person, you can’t. Stuck in a dilemma, of painting pictures of you with no canvass to draw on. Relationship is getting to the point where only my hard on is all theres to look forward. Lift my soul out my body, anytime you it was warranted. I was already in your prison, I didn’t even need that warrant of arrest. I don’t know why I have memories of me kissing you in third person. I guess that’s the closest I get to an out of body experience. I’m always making you laugh, so it’s tough to tell when I’m serious. Into a bar, I didn’t want to drink – ordered a soda. Putting up a front, different persona. Bartender looks at me, as she fills up the glasses. Pub wit a fire place, the crackling in corner is all I hear, and it’s happening. Until I fill it up with liquor to forget that it happened. It’s funny, we use wine as means to have some confidence. Then we use it to lose consciousness only to wake up regretting it even occurred. Soul is bound by a union, to protect and to serve. A kiss represents a sticker. Hope we arent strangers now, there would be a time where I couldnt predict what you did, but if you did it when you did it, I knew that you would. It wouldnt be because you werent predictable, it would be cause when you put your hand to my chest, my heartbeat was giving you visions of what do to next. My sexual psychic, with prophetic visions embedded in the circles of your palm. I kiss those circles with my tongue. God knows whats in the future for us. Too bad My tongue couldnt decipher your palm in that moment. If only I could lick your other palm, I would but nowadays that’s impossible. You quickly remedied your movements as if I had to guess what to do next. So passive aggressive; not obviously, but it was so subtle I barely noticed. Now I dream, and when I dream I wish I wasn’t asleep. It hurts. I’m awake now, but I wish I was dozing. Crying to myself in bed, I buy them white so the tear soaked stains aren’t as relevant to see. I see you in the clouds, I see you in the puddle I forcefully restrain myself from stomping on in the rain. They say eyes are a mirror to the soul, but all I see in reflections are eyes darker than coal. If that’s true, I hope it doesnt mean everything is in a heap of ashes. Keep your glasses off, you look cuter without them. Keep your glasses on, they look cuter without you.

We’re 5 minutes apart.

Cause in this world? Your worlds restricted. 
When curtains shine through blackness. We play and then we’re victim
Every person out to get us. And every person tries compassion?
It’s more than mere prediction. There the serpent lies unchallenged
But you whirl and try to damage. Cause you’re weak and your worlds afflicted.
But to no concern to you, that serpent turns into a worser type of dragon
You’re hurt. Your mind abandons. No service. Wires. Synapses
The sadness morphs to scene addiction. Your journeys right of passage
Feel worthless. I have had it. And addiction turns to habit.
Fervid. Decline to comment. You persons can’t certainly try to fathom!
What’s become or what’s to come. But you can read it in description
The words are tiny, and they’re captioned.  Then you hurl up your prescriptions.
It’s tightly woven. Mixture of ambition. Has slowly earned it’s actions.
Artist dies with his work, and this model just burns inside the pageant
It’s of worth, and it’s off-course. The piercing pains pans in. AND I want more
Of course what’s written inside the diction, are more than I could manage
It’s the purpose. And these conditions. Are perfect. my mind is madness.
And remember, y
ou can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness.

I like fictional books. The main character is always me.

Feel the vectors into orbit, melting into fiscal porn
Each waking moment. Exists to mourn the pensive rigor mortis
And I hate myself so much every. single. morning.
Its like clockwork. Lonesome. Staring in the mirror.
See a monster. Bones drugged. Mainly see the errors.
Home drunk. Sloppy. With a motor function failure
Open palm my soul in one. The shodokans prepared
Im off the bat. Im off the case. Im solely here to reap
A wad of air I waste. So oddly placed you forget to even breathe.
You wake up in your sleep. Catch your breath, and then youre weak
Wake to a dim reality that youre never truly buzzed
Whole life I never felt hungover.
Till I was happy once, then got drunk, so THEN I felt hungover
Like ignorance was bliss, sort of an ignorance to drugs
To duly know that without or with that my life just really sucked
Like ive been wasted the entire time, while I was fucking sober
Bring the jester in, and clamor while I become a fucking stoner.
Unbelievable. The whole time I was fooled into misnomer.
Eat and see, consume and teach then touch just like conformist.
You arent watching a trainn wreck this is not a pure performance.
This is unadulterated steroids being pumped into my assortment
Lie inside apartment. Learing at the star scape.
See your jaw to constellate. Im so pleased to see your star face.
Everything I wrote, always had someone in mind.
Overcoat. And overwhelmed. Now dear no one resigns