cristian's wordpad & lingering thoughts

dose of Cristianism & other absurdities.

Posts tagged “alliteration

Orwellian (my battle with depression, dysmorphia, anxiety, body image, eating disorder, perfectionism, and the ongoing back-and-forth with oblivion)

Posted on November 13, 2019

may my last words be half-slurred and cathartic so & so’s favorite blue jeans stained with tear drops & saliva head cradled in their lap, eyes barely widened my interventions’ HQ will be besmirched within silence my shoulder blades girth played role of a harbinger the bonier they got; the more i wished i was a skeleton malnourished, malevolent, maladjusted malaise talking in malformed metaphors to try and explain that there’s a concession of an all-dead jury saying my name prosecutor in a straitjacket who thinks I’m insane reading taped push signs over doors tailored to pull judges with mallets in the same shape of my skull my past lives failed me. pantomime in his glass house flailing glass eyed, no boundaries. highly contagious…

crush

Posted on July 24, 2019

he’s sitting in his shadow match lit. iron sight shifting with his arrow da vinci with a trebuchet. resentment at a younger age don’t think i’ve ever fucking been the same stay still please, so i don’t have to ever aim. heartbeat on my cabernet, gospel on the interlude never into hurting you; but that’s probably hurting you want to hear you love me, but that’s my crawling incertitude I’m sorry. you’ve heard it… too… many times loose lips sink ships on the new delhi line blueberry, thyme, seattle fog on the bloomsbury dime anxiety finds a new adversary for you every time kavinsky playing nightcall nightfall addict. gun-slinging, moonlight absorber eyeball static, upbringing made me too primed for torture leukocyte warlord with a…

boys don’t cry

Posted on July 16, 2019

I’m over evolving. dopamine soberly blossoms noted and jotted in, like an old scripture bludgeoning forecast, people make what they want of him hold whispers. cold shivers. so obviously rigged language is bothering. thunderstorm on the brink on the cusp of oblivion, and never stopping to think or wonder, what wanderlust awaits waverly love dozens foreshadowing. waving red flags like the waging of war bare footed resolve. homosapien scourge black pen granule dissolving. technicolor gradient torch collateral damage. animal bondage lion with his crown of thorns and his lioness hostage i knew you didn’t love me and it wasn’t a matter of knowledge it was a matter of topics. you never mentioned before casualty tally at the head of the door lambs blood painting…

again and again, again.

Posted on January 16, 2019

again i hear footsteps awaken the creaks in the floor again. who the fucks at the door? night stand machete laid neatly in drawer revolver neath queen mattress. in case of a quarrel but there’s nothing. just repentance, contempt, intentions dissolved gun powder, protein drinks, and penniless thoughts could’ve sworn there was something. apparently not hear a swarm of bees next to me every day before dark borderline manic. try undoing the damage safe spaces fossilize our balloons & our cages as therapeutic as raindrops on metal roof interchanges interpersonal relationships via internal damnation stray further from kinship. purge the pervasion starboard the king ship. observe the insane social connection more grandeur than normal distinction hormonal response. formality close to instinction forming a bond.…

what the fuck do i do

Posted on October 24, 2018

the moon the moon the moon the sun the sun the moon press mute succumb doomed doomed doomed I’m doomed. we’re done who who who are you who are us? collusion contusions. you’re a cup of hot chocolate on the fiercest winter morning feel the blisters forming whistle through the windows pixelating percentage whistling. cold air whistling dixie through the windows it’s snowing. frost on the glass particle splat icicles look like christmas ornaments your silence makes me question myself i was too human too human. too human too godamn human. too. human. (everywhere i put a period, is a moment in the story where i teared up and cried) . .. . i fucking, maybe i should’ve danced. that one time that one…

mad scientist

Posted on October 15, 2018

mix gunpowder and moments. of silence gather components you’d author with smiles combustible crossover. lost in your eyeballs. gifting a locket, heart shaped alloy wishing upon a asteroid comet because… it’ll turn to debris before it reaches to me countdown from three, wishing your frown obsolete douse gasoline, that sets blaze to decree miscellaneous. mundane. missiletoe mainframe. hypnotize what lingers in me complex emotions compartmentalizing alone left alone in your apartment high strung and high-rise. affectionate tease was used to darkness from sun rise- till sun shivers stand in front of me, shut eyes with your fingers pressed mute with your kisses tell the moon to revisit. i’d mouth i loved you in english what could’ve been at a later date neck, shoulder, premeditation…

prius

Posted on September 18, 2018

i recognize this abandonment pattern. neglect and avoid pushed to the side, suffocate & deprive overwrought. rush to get over the noise stiff arm tactical markup. 1 and death on the goal practically harmless. red zone ballad demarcation change is in constance, conscientious tailored departure mademoiselle, i’ve heard you tell me this often understandable. hatchet & nail in the coffin they could hear us screaming when we’re barely talking ripple effect. tsunami wave/ dimples and neck telling me to hush because someone just called delicate. soft. let this be a lesson resolved inconclusive as it is abusive and sordid usual motive. behaviorist sadist assortment white dress. biting my lip til the flavor is gone entanglement. arthritic, you say. wait till you call some call…

disassociation

Posted on September 16, 2018

you passionately spoke, breathing in between ; about how we’d be able to practically look at each other without speaking and know what we mean. hold my hands. slight facial gesture, radiant beam. on the cusp of extraordinary meaning, emboldened by components we both constructed with our definition of love. uphold the only person i wouldn’t give up. ultralight fixture hooked by the seams. lean over and tell me to be sweet to you. a declaration without question i consented too. something from dreams. dreams realized by coincidence. you see, i don’t believe in happenstance, or the desultory theory. i don’t believe in randomness, or fortuitous grandeur. i don’t believe we told each other we loved each other in our most comfortable ways, because…

i know what i need 

Posted on October 12, 2017

I dont know what I want whether its surface dwelling alone at the swamp or an oak in a marsh, soul searching proverbial want we’re more or less spawns of monsters nobody needs you were my star spangled banner and I was taking a knee subterranean breeze, vitamin pond, still smell your perfume every once in a blue, Dahlia Divin creeps in the room black lagoon creature. months of despondent malaise never under the same moon, but always got in your way every constant is change, every constant in chains the sheriff to my merits, conversation warranted pain follow the tunnel light or continue to walk amongst shade politics, topic delay, boxer on the ropes you taught me to love; but to love to…

fötter day

Posted on June 20, 2017

you can hear the… suburbia chime, zirconia vertebrae. pearly white spine glass thrown in stone houses, regular suburbia night whirring, rewind. chronicled childhood in olive drab paint monocle glass. wormwood and bottles of shawshank. dissolute solitude, wanderer who wallows in maze en route. delay for tomorrow. never promised today virgin diary. anne frank. marie curie disease tinture of rainbow, even if the distance is blurry to me he, who knows the way to zihuatenejo. furlough father. demand you to die when i say so 26 pesos what’s left in your wallet lint and mothball, merryland. experiment omelette. laundromat arcade quarter exchange 2 o clock shadow of death and follicle strain these boulders were supposed to be gone when i got here you shouldered me…

You’re Stephanie and I’m Paulette

Posted on August 18, 2015

blossoming beauty. bud bellowing britches we reap what we sow. i’m sorry, my harvest rescinded behold love at first sight, to love at last minute i melted my nucleus cause my base was acidic it’s not that we grew apart, we just didnt grow to begin with want to create a spark that embarks on your soulless division ammunition like fuel to mobilize the holes that we sink in apparition. the venom that fills the abyss to the top ’til i get thirsty and drink its malevolence visceral. bottomless. listen, i’m shot digesting the scintilla, dissecting the plot touching the scars you gave me. and i connected the dots i can’t win. you touch my jawbone in a moment of silence i kiss it…

asterisk

Posted on August 13, 2015

i’ve become receptive to any piece of endearment as if getting you to talk to me is some sort of achievement curve of your lips. the forming words swirled into art the muse from the Louvre turns my oeuvre into all to consume what you do, with every molecule i control then to being consumed… & then to being controlled i’ve learned that timing is a tool that you brandish practiced brainwashing of patience duly examined adept at adapting. pervasive. detachment waiting at the riverbanks edges for the prey. you attacked I took what I had left, to make a full cloak a wolf near the willow tree. & a sheep in wool clothing didn’t need a disguise, i saw you coming a mile…

%d bloggers like this: