cristian's wordpad & lingering thoughts

dose of Cristianism & other absurdities.

Posts tagged “poetrycommunity

alma (revised half decade old poem with a modernized touch)

Posted on May 11, 2020

Look …over a quarter of my sentences begin with ellipsesthe objective’s to sigh. the intent it carries? illicitmalicious design leaves my lips, but ends so benignthere ain’t a problem when it rains- you couldn’t tell that i criedit becomes complicated to explain- when it wells in my eyehe pretends that he’s not, even though he bottles up the painlocks it in a cage, then polishes his crooked crownused to looking down, when things aren’t looking upone day life’ll flash before my eyes;not sure if that flash is good enoughbeen given a gift to scribe every moment as happenedwith more details. more girth, more exposure, and factorsmere fractions of seconds, become volume seriesweeks of dejection becomes your lifes communal theoryconsummate. times snapped. here’s a problem…

bondage (our chains, are invisible, but trust me, they’re there.)

Posted on May 4, 2020

inept, and upset, it’s like nothing is mentioned.lifes a run on sentence, interconnecting.eclectic, electric, im a plug in the wall.a bit so perplexive. spotting the occult in the psalms.the rejection. a song in the hall of this crazy asylumstraitjacket is off, and i still feel like i’mbindedabstaining. no hiding. not restrained or assignedwhat’s a goon to a goblin, what’s 12 noon to this bondage?loudspeakers.shouts weaken as i interrupt the connection.been seasons since I slept at the suns’ dusky consentgrayscale cuts. as lovely as everIt’s only fear if we love to project iti’ve learned to accept it, in a functional senseinflections infecting, so fucking intenseinflux of attention. but none to respectfound you by looking at your pendant glow in the dark on your neckdefunct. so…

“palindrome”

Posted on April 8, 2020

it’s my inner voice. bragging and shy. so very coy abruptly impassioned in its perilous joy panicking. sulking. abdicate holiness. i salivate at the thought of having you hold me heartbeat in my abdomen slowing rapid eye movement. palindrome dreaming what is the meaning? we battle of the Alamo’ed the last of mohicans i lament having spoken, “i love you and mean it” there wasn’t any valid attempt to salvage our dreaming no valiant feature. no heroine vouching for just palindrome sequence. folklore and pretense commodore drowning with his diamond princess and dreadnought boat Goliath’s visage over david’s corpse and slingshot stones a picture worth a thousand words, abstract distortion how happy id be, if i didn’t have to be coping passive aggressive when…

HUMILITY

Posted on May 29, 2019

soul is sequestered. hanging fruit, in a forest of giants praying for atonement or a holy alliance molding my bones. soul seller solely uncensored sling to be highest bidder, sold to goliath liquor bottle pried in my fingers. corroded and weathered like sewing a sweater, stitching holes i’m developing linoleum tiles. alone in his centerpiece, exhausted, and smiling phone ringing. moment of silence calloused fingers, punching the rotary dialing show me a sign, show me these messages but show me something, worth something more than im fretting for patternized moments wove into metaphors tethered alignment into saturn skies orbit were all enraptured to die for worse or for deserts. for better, I’m dying choke in the sandstorm that envelops the earth lying in dirt.…

again and again, again.

Posted on January 16, 2019

again i hear footsteps awaken the creaks in the floor again. who the fucks at the door? night stand machete laid neatly in drawer revolver neath queen mattress. in case of a quarrel but there’s nothing. just repentance, contempt, intentions dissolved gun powder, protein drinks, and penniless thoughts could’ve sworn there was something. apparently not hear a swarm of bees next to me every day before dark borderline manic. try undoing the damage safe spaces fossilize our balloons & our cages as therapeutic as raindrops on metal roof interchanges interpersonal relationships via internal damnation stray further from kinship. purge the pervasion starboard the king ship. observe the insane social connection more grandeur than normal distinction hormonal response. formality close to instinction forming a bond.…

nice’s guys finish last

Posted on December 22, 2018

I’m stronger than you. Or, I thought I was. Maybe I am. Don’t fucking touch me. Make up your mind. Tell me you love me. Fuck me like you mean it. Mean it when you fuck me, love me when you tell me, you love me. Tell me a secret. Show me your ghosts. I’ll show you my demons. Baby, you should go. Maybe we only got along cause our monsters played nice. How to atone? I’m so over, being alone. But, I rather be alone, than prone to abandonment and holding, on to consolement that’ll never be known. Fuck what your sentiments wrote – they lied to me and let it be shown. A lantern is only a guide if the lights lit,…

houston

Posted on September 7, 2018

i didn’t want this to happen. didn’t want to get launched into saturn. unmanned vessel. haunted mansion. it’s so hard to imagine myself even a month ago. don’t even remember how to breathe without thinking of you. i breathed differently before. connect the dots in the sky. constellation prize. consolation, sky. but now I’m an astronaut (not by choice) i have all the equipment. but i breathe different. houston asks if I’m okay. i tell them, i don’t remember my training. “but you’re alone up there. and radio signals are giving out soon” why does every moment replay in my head, but more vividly than when it actually happened. why does my brain think it’s funny to repaint reds better than when i saw…

a letter to no one, or a letter to whoever i think i am, or was.

Posted on August 24, 2018

fulfillment is neat. it fills you up, inside, and out. your skin glows, you say hi more often, and sometimes the sun shines brighter than average. not, sometimes, but more so all the time. even on rainy days, you can see the sun. its hidden, but you know it’s there, and you smile and the sun reflects light off of those pearly whites. you ever have a sudden jolt of energy, not like coffee, or stimulant, but just because you’re happy? that’s it. at times, I’ll make the most out of my happiness because I know it’s short-lived. so i’ll drive around, ride a bike, do push ups, tell people they’re beautiful, and make sure they know i love them. when it goes away,…

  

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