cristian's wordpad & lingering thoughts

dose of Cristianism & other absurdities.

Posts tagged “writer

alma (revised half decade old poem with a modernized touch)

Posted on May 11, 2020

Look …over a quarter of my sentences begin with ellipsesthe objective’s to sigh. the intent it carries? illicitmalicious design leaves my lips, but ends so benignthere ain’t a problem when it rains- you couldn’t tell that i criedit becomes complicated to explain- when it wells in my eyehe pretends that he’s not, even though he bottles up the painlocks it in a cage, then polishes his crooked crownused to looking down, when things aren’t looking upone day life’ll flash before my eyes;not sure if that flash is good enoughbeen given a gift to scribe every moment as happenedwith more details. more girth, more exposure, and factorsmere fractions of seconds, become volume seriesweeks of dejection becomes your lifes communal theoryconsummate. times snapped. here’s a problem…

“palindrome”

Posted on April 8, 2020

it’s my inner voice. bragging and shy. so very coy abruptly impassioned in its perilous joy panicking. sulking. abdicate holiness. i salivate at the thought of having you hold me heartbeat in my abdomen slowing rapid eye movement. palindrome dreaming what is the meaning? we battle of the Alamo’ed the last of mohicans i lament having spoken, “i love you and mean it” there wasn’t any valid attempt to salvage our dreaming no valiant feature. no heroine vouching for just palindrome sequence. folklore and pretense commodore drowning with his diamond princess and dreadnought boat Goliath’s visage over david’s corpse and slingshot stones a picture worth a thousand words, abstract distortion how happy id be, if i didn’t have to be coping passive aggressive when…

crush

Posted on July 24, 2019

he’s sitting in his shadow match lit. iron sight shifting with his arrow da vinci with a trebuchet. resentment at a younger age don’t think i’ve ever fucking been the same stay still please, so i don’t have to ever aim. heartbeat on my cabernet, gospel on the interlude never into hurting you; but that’s probably hurting you want to hear you love me, but that’s my crawling incertitude I’m sorry. you’ve heard it… too… many times loose lips sink ships on the new delhi line blueberry, thyme, seattle fog on the bloomsbury dime anxiety finds a new adversary for you every time kavinsky playing nightcall nightfall addict. gun-slinging, moonlight absorber eyeball static, upbringing made me too primed for torture leukocyte warlord with a…

boys don’t cry

Posted on July 16, 2019

I’m over evolving. dopamine soberly blossoms noted and jotted in, like an old scripture bludgeoning forecast, people make what they want of him hold whispers. cold shivers. so obviously rigged language is bothering. thunderstorm on the brink on the cusp of oblivion, and never stopping to think or wonder, what wanderlust awaits waverly love dozens foreshadowing. waving red flags like the waging of war bare footed resolve. homosapien scourge black pen granule dissolving. technicolor gradient torch collateral damage. animal bondage lion with his crown of thorns and his lioness hostage i knew you didn’t love me and it wasn’t a matter of knowledge it was a matter of topics. you never mentioned before casualty tally at the head of the door lambs blood painting…

HUMILITY

Posted on May 29, 2019

soul is sequestered. hanging fruit, in a forest of giants praying for atonement or a holy alliance molding my bones. soul seller solely uncensored sling to be highest bidder, sold to goliath liquor bottle pried in my fingers. corroded and weathered like sewing a sweater, stitching holes i’m developing linoleum tiles. alone in his centerpiece, exhausted, and smiling phone ringing. moment of silence calloused fingers, punching the rotary dialing show me a sign, show me these messages but show me something, worth something more than im fretting for patternized moments wove into metaphors tethered alignment into saturn skies orbit were all enraptured to die for worse or for deserts. for better, I’m dying choke in the sandstorm that envelops the earth lying in dirt.…

blog post: reaction: self help

Posted on February 14, 2019

this is in response to a friends blog post, titled “self help” a person i silently & greatly admire from afar. in ten days from valentines, it will be the “anniversary” of when my childhood friend, took his own life. i was 17. he lived down the street from where I lived. the morning after I went to school, (late, as usual) walked towards the class I was failing. noticing something very strange about the air. when i walked into class, everyone sort of just welcomed me, with fake smiles. depleted hearts. sobering reality kicked in, and the world seemed off. i didn’t pay much attention to it, i didn’t pay much attention to anything that seemed off. cause, fuck the world, and fuck…

fire breather

Posted on October 19, 2018

I’m a fucking fire breather. Breathing fire. Eating dragons, for breakfast who wants some? None of you do I’ve held back for quite some time exerting no strength Ball of fire. Giving the sun spots ink blots and think thoughts disregard your discourse munching on mantras, making mistakes barely i learn from them wake up from nightmares hardly impressed more creative next time, brain laughable sequence, you could never understand i ain’t lazy just smart you work hard i work smarter catch a sneeze in the air yelling from the sidelines telling mayweather his footwork is scarce looking at my mile times like godamn how old is too old to compete in the olympics? facebook shows me gold medal ads the next day your…

hellhound pt2

Posted on October 7, 2018

heartbreaking shattering crushing blasphemous, bludgeoning, over saturated don’t be surprised if we can’t be separated science needs a new invention to mend hearts or a swab test for tears where a story is written by the chemicals in them and the chemicals in them are only ones that i can create with my signature on them my blood, and my distinction nobody else well, that is interesting. cristian doesn’t want it to end like this the story is written by an author who has no business writing it don’t be surprised if one night we’re looking at each other eye to eye holding each other, close so close so close, i can feel you brush your passionate breaths against my lungs that fill with…

you knew

Posted on September 18, 2018

it’s bittersweet. grapefruit sauvignon. rose stained cherry motif nightmare on wax on repeat. please beware of the beast swiping left. recurring sentiment, pattern repeat didn’t fall in love with your pictures. fell in love indiscreetly deciphering flaws, explicating subtle jungian traits brains defensive mechanism. delegating safety restraints decoding reflexive emotive. premeditative distaste automatic, chemical composition innate features built to delay or forego any possible symptom of a broken heart, hemoglobin battle wound syndrome saline suture. calculating how different you are 4am trip to neverland, not a trip to the bar? borderline blasphemy. there’s times you cry over art shit you gotta do alone, shit others could never remark distinguish aquatic serene, underwater nautical scene scraping off necrotic flesh your hands singed off my being…

disassociation

Posted on September 16, 2018

you passionately spoke, breathing in between ; about how we’d be able to practically look at each other without speaking and know what we mean. hold my hands. slight facial gesture, radiant beam. on the cusp of extraordinary meaning, emboldened by components we both constructed with our definition of love. uphold the only person i wouldn’t give up. ultralight fixture hooked by the seams. lean over and tell me to be sweet to you. a declaration without question i consented too. something from dreams. dreams realized by coincidence. you see, i don’t believe in happenstance, or the desultory theory. i don’t believe in randomness, or fortuitous grandeur. i don’t believe we told each other we loved each other in our most comfortable ways, because…

last time you said stop

Posted on August 17, 2018

sigh i don’t get it. they tell me to write happy things. the thing is you don’t feel the need to discuss your happiness on paper when you’re happy. you just embrace the moment and live it. i don’t want to talk about that. momentary silence. dusk lit bedroom apartment buzzing of cars from traffic afar, it’s when i stare into myself. melancholy loves company and misery loves to fuck with me, it’s pitiful she sticks her head in while I’m telling a story the room keeps spinning. I’m terribly sorry today i apologize. i can’t be myself try again tomorrow, bring me some help and the day after that. don’t fade into black amy said it best, when she said she’s treading a…

soul, baby. soul (i wrote this almost prophetically, before a falling out that I wanted to prevent from happening)

Posted on July 22, 2018

it’s almost complete. distance between falling apart from whispering secrets, sequence you act non chalant like, a purist in person. told you to stop kissing my heart questioned why, choking back tears. au revoir so insincere. brassiere draped over post traumatical scar and it’s worthless. holding hands under jupiter mars deafening stare. kaleidoscopic. where we grew afar or begun growing. to knowing it was doomed to begin with congruent in interests. confusing indifference with sultry disclosure. whispering secrets. a bottle of stol’ acting as if you didn’t already know marlboro rogue. leads in my chest. heart in my throat it’s okay because, a month is barely a whisper speaking sweet nothings with nobody to listen I’m sorry I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. evolving…

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